clearly.

I can't seem to find the right frame of mind lately. When you're the sort of person who lives by routine and familiarity, and when that gets all thrown out, I guess the wires get crossed for awhile.

So tonight, I only want to tell you this one thing: there are a lot of different forms to beauty in this world. It isn't only a thing you see, it doesn't always make you catch your breath. Sometimes it's a group of women who are struggling with things you can't even imagine, but they care about each other and they love each other and they form a community. Sometimes that community is very beautiful. Sometimes it's looking down at the rug by the door and seeing one large pair of shoes next to one small pair of shoes. Sometimes seeing those shoes at home together is very beautiful. Sometimes loss and absence is beautiful because, in the loss, you are able to see what goodness and blessing you've had. And still have.

I saw a man in an important looking suit on Capitol Hill today. He was was sitting in the park. All of the benches were full, so he was sitting on the thick, low-hanging branch of a tree. Shiny shoes and jacket slung aside. He was rolling a cigarette. It was hot, but not in the shade where he sat.

And that was beautiful too.

more writing.

I'm always terrible at marking change in my life. My childhood journals are full of page after page of monotony, but the significant moments are curiously absent. On through my teenage years and college. I am inspired to write about the color of the leaves but incapable of writing when I move or fall in love or suffer a broken heart.

There is distant thunder tonight, the kind that sounds vaguely reminiscent of footsteps upstairs. The kind that makes you say in your head, over and over, Oh it's just the thunder. And it is mixing with some pre-holiday fireworks. And those are mixing with a small bit of rain. And that is mixing with cats racing up and down the stairs after me, tiny claws and feet on wood, skittering.

I moved last weekend to a new city. I started a new job. I took up with a good man who loves me. It was a big weekend.

I don't want to write about it because, in my old way, I can't conjure up the words. It's too much, or it means too much, or something. But I bargained with myself tonight: You can eat that second piece of cheese, but then you must writing something.

So I have done my part.

I'm sorry for another absence, but it couldn't be helped. I will be back again. Nearly one year ago, I resolved to write on this blog. I'm working on a goal list for this year. Bigger and better but mostly just more. More writing. More.