distracting.

This is starting with me, standing in the middle of my apartment, saying outloud to myself, GURL stop your fucking around!

I finished all of my work by 5pm today, which isn't usual. I used to feel like I couldn’t work in libraries and coffee shops - I thought they were too distracting for me. But I've been diligently working in them the past few weeks, and it turns out that the opposite is true. When I sit myself down in a coffee shop and tell myself I’m working there until X time, I get a lot done.

We’re heading up to Wisconsin for the weekend, as soon as J gets home. Everything is done on my to do list, I washed the dishes, I packed a bag, and then I started pacing around looking for more THINGS I NEED TO DO. All the while ignoring that one last little thing on my to do list: write a blog post.

Anyway, I’m here here here.

I’m working on things lately like sitting up straight, getting my shoulders that are jammed up to my ears to relax, meditating, belly breathing. It’s hard to figure out how to make my body and my brain relax when they need to.

I picked up a used copy of one of Marcella Hazan’s cookbooks this week and read it on the couch last night. I know about her because of her tomato sauce and her smothered cabbage. It’s a good book to look through when winter is coming (ugh, I wish I and everyone else would stop saying that……….but I can’t). Anyway, I love being reminded how food and eating it can be full of rituals. I love having a way of doing things, something specific to who you are, however you define that. And I love simple food cooked with lots of good butter.

belated.

In my mind, I still think we just moved. Life feels strange, like I’m in many places all at once. Truthfully, the last two months have felt like a lot of stress and a lot of everything has changed. I’ve let my stress level creep up higher and higher, and now I’m treading water in a place that’s a little too deep.

So I started writing my birthday list nearly a month ago, adding bit by bit, thinking about what I’ve done in the last year. But I dragged my feet in putting it up here. This one feels both monumental, but also…...not. I think, this is a big deal, and also I think, I feel the same. As of last Wednesday, I’m living in a new decade.

Last year looked like:

1. run another half marathon
2. plan personal, creative projects
3. fill a notebook (try several notebooks!)
4. streamline and actually implement workflow processing *productivity nerd alert*
5. start making homemade snacks every week
6. grocery shopping → bike (with some spankin’ new panniers!) (until a pannier got stolen, wah) 
7. participate in one bike activity (volunteer, hang out, ride, class, etc.)
8. plan a spring-time adventure trip with Jacob (maybe probably here?) (Istanbul! Prague!)
9. stop comparing myself to everyone else
10. read more fiction (goal: five novels) (somehow I only read one. sheesh!)
11. build a bike-friendly (minimalist) wardrobe
12. more cooking on the weekends/less cooking on weekdays
13. make at least one pie each month
14. can something (jam, tomatoes, apples, etc.)
15. continue buying investment clothing
16. watch a few classic films (that I haven’t seen)
17. complain less
18. grow more plants (to eat & to enjoy)
19. sew or knit ONE THING to put on my body
20. give natural deodorant the college try
21. write letter(s) one day each month (just one!)
22. create a meal-planning system and stick to it (this is my current inspiration)
23. BE DEBT-FREE
24. make this other blog into a thing I like/love/enjoy (or just delete it and turn it into a personal bizness website. HA!)
25. sew a set of cloth napkins + a tablecloth
26. really really really get rid of plastic ziplock bags (and plastic takeout containers)
27. listen to one book on tape
28. be kinder to + less critical of everyone around me (esp. the ones that I love)
29. be confident