birthday like this.

I meant to come back here last Friday to post this list, but the day/weekend got swept away into a last-minute trip and the craziness of life. My birthday came and went. Here I am now, trying my best, year after year, six years counting.

Last year, I decided to live valiantly (whatever that means), and it looked like this:

1. run my 3rd half marathon AND/OR a marathon
2. make a biking friend in Chicago
3. finish writing two essays and submit one (one essay completed)
4. build a freelance business
5. make homemade Christmas gifts
6. GET MARRIED
7. commit to meal planning & stick to the eating out budget (eek)
8. read 30 books
9. sew one piece of clothing (the fabric is sitting on my table right now)
10. practice meditation
11. assume the best in people (sometimes)
12. purchase five high-quality pieces of clothing (one down)
13. actively worry less (trying)
14. stick with YNAB for a full year
15. keep criticism to myself
16. join a book club and/or writer’s group
17. plan a month-long trip next summer
18. learn new things
19. help Jake’s family tap the maple trees
20. knit a new winter hat
21. go on a roadtrip
22. practice chit-chatting strangers
23. canning! to include: tomatoes, salsa, jam & apples (for now)
24. finish two courses towards a Nonprofit Management Certificate
25. stick to the ‘no phone in bed’ rule (sort of)
26. say what I think (or write it)
27. make a nature journal
28. make yogurt
29. find a place to volunteer
30. be confident (also, trying)

here are some things.

My cat is screaming in my face right now. SCREAMING. His hungry little eyes are staring deep into my soul, like maybe today will be the day that I don’t feed him. Even though, every day for many years now, I’ve always fed him.

Twice today I saw a big man with a small dog (different men, different dogs). I’ve been thinking about dogs a lot lately, because.........well, because both J and I are suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to have one. Isn’t it a strange but wonderful thing? We bring these furry tame little creatures into our homes and we love the shit out of them. They aren’t people, they don’t speak, who knows what they think or feel, but in their way, they love us back. And it’s kind of unconditional, or based on very simple demands (food!). I think it’s good to have that kind of love in your life.

It’s Thursday, which means two things: nachos and TV. I honestly can’t remember the last Thursday night that didn’t involve the magical, Thursdays-only fried chicken nachos. It’s a real weakness at this point in my life. Also, that show is reeeeeeeeeeeal good and tonight we’re watching the season finale.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I get weird about it, sometimes. I overthink--most days, but especially on my birthday. I mean, it’s just the day I WAS BORN. What’s the big deal?

I’ve been trying to incorporate more small luxuries into my life, ala The Artist’s Way. It’s surprisingly hard work for this Midwestern-hearty aesthete with loads of guilt. LUXURY?! WTF?! But it’s good. I’m trying to give some of it to myself for my birthday, a few small luxuries. It started with buying two books that I didn’t need, but wanted. Tomorrow, I’m intending to buy a ridiculously overpriced coffee drink. I’m going to march into Whole Foods and buy myself a treat--ANYTHING I WANT. In J’s words, I really know how to live. And I’ll be back tomorrow, birthday-list-style.

happy clam.

I’m taking this Saturday morning real slow. I have a bit of a head cold, but also it just feels nice to let my brain wander, to flit aimlessly from one task to the next, avoiding the to do list. I’m on my second cup of coffee and an empty stomach. I'm about to go eat some cold pizza from the fridge.

I have no obligations today--my favorite sort of day. I can work on whatever I want, in perfect solitude and silence. This is the sort of day that revives me, helps me feel like myself again.

This has been a good year, and my birthday is approaching, and I’m thinking about it a lot. I’m thinking about what I accomplished this year and what I’ll accomplish in the year to come. It was a good year and a challenging year. I worked very very hard. At times (many times), I felt an unmanageable amount of stress. But also, I married the best and most inspiring person I know. I took off from work and life for a MONTH and traveled my butt around Europe.

I spent 30 minutes this morning reading through some of the archives here (especially 2011 and 2014). I love the way that this space helps me track my own evolution of thought and personal growth. It’s like a journal, but in a completely different way. It makes me love myself. Is that strange to say? I read old entries, and I tell myself: you’re smart and interesting, Lisa, and I like who you are.

It’s not that hip to like yourself, especially as a woman. The thing to do is reject any compliments and then draw attention to some part of your body that you dislike. It’s such a fucking bummer. Ladies, can we not do that anymore? I really prefer loving myself.

So this place matters for that reason, even if that’s the only one.

Today, I’m going to:
--do some cleaning
--make a load of burritos to restock the freezer
--do some sewing (because: birthday list)

That’s all, and it’s good. I’m happy as a happy clam.