reading & writing.

I read a lot of things. I read science blogs and get awe-struck over the weird minutiae of this world. I read blogs on writing and culture, book reviews, interviews with authors, glimpses into the literary world. I read about food and try to understand it's role in human life and it's role in my own life, how we get it, what we do with it. I read about religion and the place it has in our society. I read short stories, I read poems, I read novels, I read essays.

I do all of this in the name of personal and intellectual growth (and because I like it). I want to feed my own creativity and to participate in the great human conversation.

But sometimes I spend an hour or an afternoon reading and I tell myself that it's part of my writing time. It is certainly part of my writing life (an essential part) but the real, honest fact is that sometimes it's an excuse. It's just another thing, another way that I can put off writing. It makes me think of Natalie Goldberg in Wild Mind. At one point in her life, she found herself sitting down to write and instead gazing out the window, feeling very peaceful and zen. She thought that she was maybe reaching enlightenment. She asked her spiritual mentor about it and he told her, "No, that's just laziness. Get back to work."

I've committed myself to writing in these last months in a way that I never have in my life. In the way that I've longed for with everything in me. I have finally proven to myself that I can make it happen if I keep the bargains I make with myself. And now I'm committed to being real about the writing. I will be steady and I will build it, write more, write more regularly. I always know when I'm distracting myself, and I especially know when I'm lying to myself about why. So I will be honest and I'll write.

I'm done making resolutions for this year, but I may add more anyway. Brevity has an awesome list of resolutions in response to this post on the Bark.