let it go.

“One of the few things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better.” -Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

I think I may have given you this quote before, but I needed to hear it again, today. This is one of the writing proverbs I keep in my head, along with others. These proverbs guide me on and help me to get over myself. I needed to hear it because I do it all the time. I imagine there are a handful of things that I will write that revolve around certain topics and once they're written, then they'll be done, dead, lost and I will be cleaned out. In those moments, I remember Annie Dillard’s words. I also say something to myself along the lines of, If this brain can write one good thing, it can write another.

I have been on a journey of discovery for...oh, for years. Self-discovery. Along with self-discovery, you discover the nuances of life that you may not have known. I don’t know what I mean, really, but you might. What I mean is that it feels exciting to be alive.

Jacob says that sometimes the appeal of my writing lies in its ambiguity and vagueness. I always assume that the opposite is true - I find this the least interesting part of my writing. Regardless, it’s the sort of writing that floods out of me without any effort or inhibition. It’s how my brain talks to itself inside my head.

The truth is, I’m writing now but not because I want to. The dishes are done, the laundry is folded, the floors are vacuumed, I’ve done one million crunches and taken a shower, I’ve made cookies, almond butter (from this cookbook) , overnight steel cut oats (from this cookbook), and started a bowl of chickpeas soaking. So, time to face myself on the page.

I needed to remind myself there was nothing to save because I’ve been saving lately, page after page in my writing folder, waiting for something something something. So be reminded, there’s nothing to wait for. Write it down, get it out, move on.

On another note, I’ve also been somewhat absent because of this show. Take my warning: once you start watching, you’d better just set aside the next week because you won’t be able to stop.

At any rate, the weekend is done and I wrote some things that I let myself hoard, but this...I let it go.