tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'll turn twenty-six.  What do I want to do with my next year on this planet?  Live hard.

1-knit a sweater
2-make cheese
3-go camping
4-conquer the F-chord on my guitar
5-run a 5K
6-be more honest
7-love
8-start cooking dried beans
9-make one new friend
10-write more letters
11-drink more loose leaf tea
12-open up to people
13-read one new author from the list of nobel laureates
14-visit Canada
15-start making my own bread again
16-less dairy
17-buy clothes with color
18-write often
19-tell jokes
20-make pizza in my cast iron skillet
21-apologize less
22-sew curtains
23-ride my bike in the city
24-bake a layer cake
25-paint the big canvas
26-yoga

some rules & other things.

I knew it, lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, fan blowing in my face. I knew that I would wake up this morning, read last night's words, and I would hate them (every last one). And I knew I'd get the itch to hit delete, to edit, my god do I really say the word "thing" so often, etc.

Yes, good writing is more often than not the product of editing and more editing. But my purpose here is just to write, to get that muscle cranking again, and to worry about editing some other day. So let me just tell you now that I wanted to delete, oh how I wanted to. But I've got some little devil in my head telling me to keep on.

My internal conflict lead me to this: a few ground rules for myself.

1. I will not delete. Once I put it out there, it's out there. Yes, I am afraid that I'll sound stupid, silly or wrong. Well sometimes I am stupid, silly and wrong. I apologize now for being any of those things, but even still - I'm not going to delete it.
2. I will write often. I'm not going to give myself the "everyday" rule because I know how well that won't work on me. Anyway, stuff happens in life. So my aim is going to be at least 3 posts a week.
3. I will push a little. By that I mean that I will test my limits every now and then. Maybe a somewhat diluted version (for now) of Hemingway's, "Write hard and clear about what hurts."

For today, just a list (because lists are always good).

I appreciate...
-a seared tofu caesar salad from Blue Shirt Cafe (ask for the wrap as a salad).
-knowing that if I leave 10 minutes late for work, I will pass the old woman at Tufts in the long skirt, gray bun, big glasses and fanny pack.
-a little box of technology that lets me see the faces of people I love who are far away.
-listening to all of my backlogged podcasts of Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! as I walk to and from work (and laughing out loud).
-a small farmer's market in the parking lot behind my office; lots of tomatoes.
-farmer's market tomatoes + olive oil + brie + kalmata olives + one hearty loaf.
-looking forward to things.
-settling in.

I read this post today and it felt an awful lot like fate. "Nine days remain until my 26th birthday. That is so much closer to 30 than 25. I’ve got to get busy living."

Amen sister.