leaps.

This is what it's like to be an independent lady.

I got to work this morning, wearing one of my four hipster-cool professional outfits. I wore a belt over my shirt in another attempt to make it look like I have more than four hipster-cool professional outfits. Got to work, looked in the mirror, belt looked dumb, took it off. And then I realized my shirt had a hole in it. Not a hole in the armpit or the seam or a tiny hole no one will see. It's a big ass hole right on my stomach where a tiny patch of stomach skin is shining through. It's the kind of hole you get when you wear a shirt over and over and over because you're an independent lady who is out in the world making not-much-money.

The beautiful thing about this day is that I don't care.

Some people love to plan life out. They imagine a big picture and the various twists and turns they hope their lives will take. While I'm a planner to my very core, I hate the big plans. Hate isn't even exactly the right word - I am incapable of planning my life in this way. I have no desire.

You want me to plan a vacation? A grocery list? An independent ladies' dinner? Done.
You want me to plan my life? Not gonna happen.

I know that makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable. Long term goals and plans are a good way to feel like you're in control of your life. Except most of the time you aren't.

I have no problem with other people planning their lives out. In fact, I kind of like it. It comforts me to know other people are out there planning things away. But I have to be honest, I love the not-knowing. I love the adventure of saying, I don't know where I'll be or what I'll do next. If I'm doing something good, helping some people, have a little room for creativity - then I'll probably be happy.

What I really love most is looking back at various points in my life and the path that got me here.

• If you had told the timid 17-year-old homeschooler that she would lead chainsaw certification trainings, she would have blushed.
• If you had told the 19-year-old legal intern that she would never go to law school, she would have panicked.
• If you had told the 21-year-old debate team captain that she would one day call herself a writer, she would have been shocked.
• If you had told the 23-year-old Minnesotan expat that she was going to live in Massachusetts for years, she might have cried a little.

But I love it because my life has turned out beautifully, layered and full of depth and experience and meaning, so much more than I ever could have planned or expected. I have known people who have loved me and who have hurt me, I have faced challenges I thought would never pass and victories small but infinitely satisfying. I am grateful for each unexpected turn I have met. I wouldn't change a thing.

Now I'm looking ahead again. This is where it gets good. Who knows what one year will bring? Sure, there could be pain ahead, there could be disappointment. And there could be something incredible that I can't even imagine. Olga over at the Sassy Radish put it beautifully last week, as she reflected on quitting her finance job to make a life in food and writing:

I'm often remiss in remembering important dates. But February 1 will always be a special day in my heart. The day I took a leap hoping that the universe had a net for me to fall into. It's been a glorious fall thus far. I can't wait for more.

So take a leap...and take a moment to enjoy not knowing what might come next. And, as always, if you want to write, then write.