and the new year.

I don’t remember if I set new year’s resolutions last year. I like thinking about resolutions on my birthday, but the new year feels more like a time for deep breathing and a clean slate. I am so driven towards growth and change (although sometimes equally apathetic and stuck) that I can overwhelm myself easily. I can get all Ben Franklin and convince myself that if I cross enough things off the list, I can be perfect.

Anyway, this year I decided to set one goal and a single word intention (loosely inspired by this nifty workshop that I’ve never done, but have heard is great).

My goal is to read more - at least two books a month. I can only seem to count 15 books I read last year (shameful!). Reading is one of my favorite things in the world, but I let it slip on my list of priorities. This year, I'm bringing that business BACK. You can see what I’m reading in that little widget-gadget on the right. 24 books this year! (Even more, I hope).

I haven’t picked my single word intention yet, and when I do, I’ll probably keep it just for myself. I’m brewing plans to create an art/mixed media journal where I can do some reflecting. It feels very right and necessary to set an intention this year. Last year felt too slippery, like it all just slid through my fingers and I was never quite awake to it. I was awake, but I would like to be more. Living with intention and mindfulness.

Last night, I planned to do some freewriting and journaling. For some reason, it became desperate. I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind: everything depends on tonight. If I could just write, I could show myself that I have the will to do it. I could prove all the distraction and various weights and burdens wrong.

But I didn’t write.

Jacob persuaded me to watch an episode of The Walking Dead (which, by the way, I seriously regretted because I have zero tolerance for horror and anything gruesome) (also, I'm not blaming him for my own procrastinations). Feeling traumatized, I followed that up with two episodes of 30 Rock to lighten the mood. Then I finished the (now much too late) night with a few minutes of Spanish.

But tonight, a little less desperate and a little more determined, I finished a notebook. As you might remember, finishing a notebook is no small task for me. I practiced freewriting for exactly 1 hour and 15 minutes and with that last page, the new year has begun.