fears.

I’m reading Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habit right now. It’s beating me over the head with the thing I know, THE THING I KNOW, the thing I have always known: creativity is fueled by practice, by doing, by making your art a habit. For me, by making writing a habit.

I know it.
I KNOW IT!

Early in the book, Tharp poses the question: what are your fears?

Everyone has them, and everyone who is creating and making has them. Fear makes you feel alone, but it is one of the few things that is common among us.

I tried to make a list. It looked like this:

List of fears in writing

1. I don’t know where to start.
2. I’m not any good.
3. Things I want to write will hurt or offend my family and friends.
4. People won’t like me.
5. I don’t have the energy (alternatively: I don’t feel like it. But is this a fear?)

The thing that’s beautiful about writing fears down is that, on the page, they lose some edge and they start to seem….silly. I’m afraid I don’t know where to start? Ridiculous, I can start anywhere. There is no where. It’s just a pen and paper. Any word is a start. But inside my head, maybe inside your head, fear feels consuming and real.

Remember what Langhorne said? Fuck the fear. Be here.

I’m reading a lot these days, and it feels good. It revs my engine. I’m waking up early, early enough to drink coffee and cook a full breakfast, early enough to curl up on the couch with a book before I ever start to work. It is fast becoming my favorite part of the day.

My resolution this year was to read more, and I am devoting myself to it. It helps to focus.

Things I am thinking about today:
-curating home
-finding time for what is most important
-food (always)
-connections (triggered by The Faraway Nearby, which is really lovely)
-how wonderful books are
-spring (it's coming soon)