writing the details.

It’s so easy to feel like we aren’t getting anywhere. The routine of daily life erodes awareness, and when the details are lost, it starts to feel like treading water. My antidote is to write things down. Write whatever you want, whenever and wherever and however you want. It doesn’t matter the means, only the act of capturing details. A few minutes spent looking over the things I wrote yesterday, a year ago, five years ago, and suddenly I’m swept away with it all - the vastness of life and all that has flowed through my own.

I’m here to say that I had an excellent week. I caught myself thinking it in the background often: I’m having a great week! I was filled with hope and excitement and ambition in a way I haven’t felt in quite awhile. And do you know what the secret freaking sauce is to this great week? WRITING (and other things, but especially writing). More generally, I did the things that fill me up. I went for lots of early morning runs and felt both tired and strong. I read. I actively avoided multi-tasking while at work, and created the space to work on tasks more deeply. And I made an intentional space for writing (with a new writing partner!). I hauled my butt across the city just to write, and there was definitely some magic in that.

I’ve been longing to write again, on the blog, like I used to do years ago. I’ve tried so many times to restart over the past three years, and I just haven't been able to make it stick. I was just thinking this morning about how it feels like all the times I tried to quit smoking. The shame creeps up around your shoulders and neck and ears, and you can’t tell anyone you’re quitting (again) because you can’t take the eye rolls and patronizing OKs. Except when it comes to writing, the eye rolls and patronizing comes from the monkey mind inside my own head.

So OK. Guess what? I can try again! So can you, whatever your thing is. This is life, actually. Trying over and over to be the people we want to be. Finally, well into my thirties, I’m starting to appreciate that there’s no way to just be who you are, because you’re always becoming who you will be. That is what it means to be alive. Life is motion, movement, change.

In other news...

• I didn’t write a birthday list last year, and all year I regretted it. Not so this year! Birthday time is coming up, and I’m already working on one for the next year. 
• The temperatures are just starting to drop here in Brooklyn, and I just thrifted a new sweater and bought a new pair of boots, and I’m ready ready ready. Fall always makes me think of fresh starts and fills me up with ambition and hope.
•  I started Cal Newport’s latest book, Digital Minimalism, this week, and feeling convinced to try his 30-day digital declutter. Sorting out the details now for what mine will look like. 
• I’m into the final month of marathon training and all in all, feeling good. My second marathon! Young me would never have believed it. I’ve been nervous that my training hasn’t been as dedicated and focused this year (especially with almost two weeks off for a bike trip in August), but the only thing to do now is keep logging the miles. 17 miles tomorrow!

I ran down to the farmer’s market this morning and came back with some peaches, one delicata squash, and an enormous bunch of basil. I think for lunch I’ll have the basil with tomatoes we got in our CSA this week, along with some white beans I cooked earlier this week, which have been marinating with some minced red onion, garlic, red wine vinegar, olive oil, and a few oregano and red pepper flakes. Otherwise it’s Saturday and the sun is shining. Just details of life, but I've written them down, so they might be the ones I remember.