another day.

I have another post for today, one that I started on Friday and started on Saturday and started on Sunday. It felt so urgent all week and I just couldn’t get it done. Yesterday was wide open. My plans were to do some Christmas baking, pack up our Christmas gifts, and listen to lots of Christmas music (Alternating between this and this because I have no shame.)

I bought some soy coffee creamer over the weekend. Cream in the coffee feels like vacation to me, because I usually drink it black. All weekend I was pouring cream into my coffee and feeling special.

J and I biked down to Jimmy T’s for breakfast yesterday and managed to roll up just as a table by the window opened. We had huevos rancheros and an egg sandwich and mediocre coffee and super sweet grapefruit juice. We talked about the what next in work and life which is…….well, it’s unknown. It’s good. It’s scary. It’s wild. We tried to make quick business of running some errands after breakfast, which wound up meaning that we biked down to the organic grocery for the bulk nuts, then to CVS for the Drano and a gold Sharpie (an obvious need at this time of year), and then to the regular grocery store for lasagna noodles.

We finally got home and settled into work, J on some writing that needed to be finished, and me on baking all the things that I wanted to pack into boxes and mail away for Christmas. A few hours of lighthearted baking suddenly stretched into the night, and when I briefly thought that I had put too much coconut oil in the melted chocolate and it wasn’t going to harden, I nearly lost it. J needed quiet, so I was listening to my Christmas tunes in headphones. The Drano down the bathroom sink made the whole apartment smell like chemicals instead of sugary Christmas goodness. This isn’t the sort of day you find in the so-lovely internet world, where everything is polished and perfect.

But in the grand scheme, it was a lovely weekend. J didn’t have to go to work. We ate Indian food and our favorite mediocre breakfast and watched funny TV and talked about life and baked/ate cookies. So much disappointment can be found when you expect things to be a certain way, you know? I am so very guilty of this. I plan things to the last detail, and when those details don’t align the way I expect them too, I’m thrown into chaos, panic, etc. But the slightly-harried, too-much-pressure-on-myself, our-apartment-smells-like-Drano, baking-like-a-mad-lady day has its beauty too.

The only thing I regret is that, as I so often do, I sacrificed those big goals for the mundane to do list, meaning that I wanted to finish reading a book and write a lot this weekend, and I did neither. But now is never too late.

p.s. I’m still trying to hit my book goal for this year! Can I finish six books before New Year’s Eve? I’m not sure, but I’m going out in a blaze either way.