whole.

Last night, feeling completely socially and otherwise burned out, I got home from an evening work event, ordered completely unnecessary Thai food, and sat on the couch for the next three hours watching TV (by TV, I mean watching a show on a laptop) (Jake has been trying to get me to watch this, which in theory I should like, but it’s still a little over the top for me).

When I sat down, I said I need to turn my brain off for the rest of the night.

Somehow I always think that when I’m exhausted, emotionally taxed, burned out with work, that the old American pastimes will make me feel better, i.e. eating and laying on the couch and watching TV. There is always that one second of relief, but like any mind or body numbing activity, it doesn’t actually make you feel better it just makes you not feel anything.

So of course, climbing into bed at midnight, I felt lazy and empty. I woke up this morning feeling the same. So I did the only thing I could do, which is tidy up the kitchen, throw away the takeout containers, make a pot of coffee, and write.

I’ve set some goals, or projects, for next week, for my at-home-holiday. Nothing incredibly taxing, but everything I am jazzed up about right now.

It’s Friday morning, which means the long week is closing, and I can give myself up to things like nature (encouraged by a mini-trip we’re taking tomorrow!) and words and creative thought. In the thick of it, even when I forget, I still know: those are the only things that make me whole.